Trials and Convictions

"I implore you, I entreat you, and I challenge you to speak with conviction. To say what you believe in a manner that bespeaks the determination with which you believe it. Because, contrary to the wisdom of the bumper sticker, It's not enough to question authority. You've got to speak with it too."

-Taylor Mali

Wake up, goddamn it!

What do you do when you want to say something but somebody else has already said it better than you could ever hope to? Other than saying, "Fuck yeah!" when you hear them say it, that is.

It's a problem that is also a blessing, because it only happens when an artist is saying something that moves me. I appreciate those days. I try to have as many of them as possible but - to Taylor Mali's point - they seem to be diminishing in frequency.

People don't like to be challenged. They don't want you to have the courage of your convictions, because the cowardice of theirs will begin to show. I'll be the first to say it, "I'm part of the problem."

My grammar and punctuation have gone to shit. My speech has taken on that mainstream interrogative tone that makes it difficult to determine whether I am making a statement or asking a question. I've been dumbing it down for so long, I don't know if I'll be able to smart it back up. This is bad for someone who holds aspirations of being a writer.

I'm a salesman by trade, which means that my livelihood depends on hitching my stated opinions to the bandwagon of my customers. When I first started in this business somebody actually told me that I was having a hard time selling because I'm too tall and my voice is too deep. I have this odd need to eat, so I started hunching and speaking with the voice of the never-ending question that is so popular in Southern California. Ya know? This is especially frustrating for someone who's never really been part of the pack, because I buckled.

As I droned through the American-Consumer existence that keeps us all silently following the herd, I never realized herd living is exactly what keeps one's mind narrowed and vision tunneled. The only way to have a vision of something other than the asses of the teeming herd is to throw off the yoke, and break free.

It's the only chance I'll have to be heard, but what do I have to say that's worth hearing? How will I reach the ears of the other cattle and inspire them to break free from the herd? The only voice I have left is the one I adopted to sound like them, and now I simply blend into the chorus. So the struggle continues. What do I do when I want to say something that somebody else has said better than I can? Just keep trying. I didn't lose my voice overnight. It's a good bet I probably won't find it overnight either. On the bright side, I've got: Taylor Mali, Rives, Black Ice, Jill Scott, Mos Def, Kanye West, Lupe Fiasco, Craig Brewer, David Mamet, Quentin Tarantino, Aaron Sorkin, Hunter Thompson, Alan Moore, Garth Ennis, George Orwell, Bill Hicks, Maynard James Keenan, Lennon and McCartney, and the generations they've all inspired shining their light so I can see where it's hiding.

Character Arc

I just watched the last episode of The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien. I am a witness. I am once again inspired by the incredible nature of man.

Taking a look back, I think it was 1993 or '4 when Conan first became a late-night talk-show host. He was awful. That saying about there being nothing more painful than watching a comedian grow? Yeah. Hell yeah. (For the record, listening to a drummer grow is right up there.) It was brutal. The guy was just so uncomfortable in his own skin. Monologues, interviews, riffing with Andy, it was all unbearable. I almost felt bad for the guy. Almost. But it was so awkward, I just wanted to smash his ginger little face in. (I was pretty hostile in those days.) I probably watched a half-dozen times in his first couple of weeks. Then I tuned out.

Cut to 1999-2000. People are asking me if I watched Conan last night. "No! Hell no! That guy is still on the air? I had no idea there was a charisma drought in t.v. land." My friends, who had no idea what I was talking about because Conan was on past their bedtime when he started, began telling me about sketches that actually sounded funny. I checked out the show. Conan somehow managed to finally be comfortable with who he is, and the show had improved. I didn't become a rabid fan, but if Conan's show was on I'd check it out. It was entertaining.

Years and years passed. Then I heard that Jay Leno and his special brand of saccharin comedy were leaving the Tonight Show and Conan's taking over. There was joy throughout Boxxyville on that Triumph-ant night. I know everybody says Jay Leno is a great guy, and that may be true, but the man has never once made me laugh. Ever. Do my parents think he's funny? Sure. Me? I personally think watching someone reenact Mr. Blonde's "Stuck in the Middle with You" scene from Reservoir Dogs with Leno in the chair would be WAY funnier than any one of Jay's monologues. (Too harsh? Whatever. You take my meaning. I'm not a fan.)

I checked out the new Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien. Sure. I knew he'd have to tone it down once the mainstream was the core demographic. I had no illusions about seeing Triumph or the Pimpbot on The Tonight Show, but I knew he'd be a step up from Leno. He was. Then again, anything would be a step up from Leno's brand of - I don't want to say "vanilla," because vanilla can be quite delicious. If they made a Water flavored ice cream, that's what Leno's humor tastes like. - Water Ice Cream entertainment.

Getting back on topic, Conan did a good job. Once again, I didn't become a passionate fan, but it seemed like he had taken enough of the frat-house humor out of his act that America would get on board. Man, my finger is so not on the pulse of the American mainstream! So six months later, Conan's ratings are in the shitter, and they're talking about bringing back Leno.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Since I wasn't a rabid Conan fan I wasn't heartbroken. I felt bad for the guy, but he's had a good run. He'll live. As for the American air waves being subjected to Leno once again? Feels like par for the course at this point. But I kept reading headlines and comments about how classy Conan was on his last show, so I thought I'd check it out. He was tremendous. He took some shots at the network brass, as any red-blooded American would in the same situation. He monologued on his wish for it to be a night of fun. He poured out his gratitude to the audience for their outpouring of support and goodwill. And he thanked NBC for the two-decades-long partnership they shared, and expressed his thanks for the opportunity in spite of the acrimonious ending.

Then Conan donned his axe, and closed the show with an all-star band fronted by Will Ferrell as Ronnie Van Zant performing Lynyrd Skynyrd's Freebird. It was amazing. That is an idea that could so easily fall off a cliff into a river of ham-fisted self-pity, but it didn't. It was actually the exact right note.

In a final nod of appreciation to the audience, Ferrell busted out the cow bell. It all just worked. The glue that held it all together was Conan's character, in an era that has lacked character so desperately. Conan O'Brien displayed sincerity, integrity, heart, humor, and all of the best components of our nature that embody the character that eludes most of us. He even went so far as to implore the audience to abandon cynicism - which resonated to my very core. Cynicism is my default stance when faced with adversity. Here was a man facing losing his dream job on an enormous stage, and he faced it with grace and dignity. A man who, a decade-and-a-half earlier, was palpably not comfortable standing in is own skin, walked away with his head held high, his dignity in tact, and said goodbye his way.

I am now a foaming-at-the-mouth rabid Conan O'Brien fan. I can't wait to see what he does next. He has won the full measure of my respect and admiration, and I'm hopeful that the next Conan O'Brien we see will be the best one yet.

You can't always get what you want, but you get what you deserve.

Wake up goddamn it!

Like my mom used to say, "That's what you get."

People are going on a 'round-the-bendie about today's Supreme Court ruling. The one that Keith Olbermann characterizes as a confluence of "Pandora's Box and the bottomless pit."

"Oh no. The corporation can buy politicians, and run amok, and point the nation in whichever direction they see fit, without regard for the citizens!" Oh no! Whatever will we do? What country have you been living in Keith? Did I miss a meeting? How does this new jurisprudence establish anything that is any worse than what has been going on for the last hundred or more years in The Land of the Greed, and The Home of the Slaves?

Who decided that our options for leader of the free world should be luminaries of the human spirit like Bush, Gore, Kerry, McCain, Clinton, Obama? The people? Really? No! Corporate dollars created these puppets. This court ruling doesn't change anything but degree. We might be out of the frying pan, and inexorably into the fire, but either way we're cooked! So, who gives a fuck whether we're golden brown or flambe'd?

Politicians have been slaves to the dollar since their profession began, but we've had term-limits since our government was formed. They're called elections. Richard Pryor tried to get out the "None of the Above" vote two decades ago. Do you want to get rid of corrupt career-politicians? Stop reelecting the incumbent. Who's the bigger asshole? The corporations who pay for the commercials, or the drooling masses who believe the commercials? Get the bullshit out of your agenda. Stop throwing away good, sensible candidates because they don't share your: religious faith, skin color, gender, sexual orientation, definition of marriage, or any other belief that has nothing to do with the greatest good of our nation.

But you're not going to do that, are you? "He's a commie, he's a socialist, he's a fag, he's a catholic, you can't trust a man who's not married, I'm just not voting for her." This is how you want it. Well. You get it.